The Men, After Shamar.

When Shamar died, there was a deep, bottom less, empty void inside of me. I was walking and talking, but it was as if I was not within my body, like I was looking down upon myself, trying to figure out how to come down. The one thing I hated the most was sleeping in that bed alone, I felt the need for company, any kind of company, because as long as someone was around me, it would keep me from losing my mind, keep me from taking my own life. First there was M.G. He gave me his shoulder to cry on and it felt good to be able to talk to someone anyone. Then came D. F. a real sweetheart. My daughter loved him. He started to get feelings for me and I had to end it, I at the time was incapable of feelings, had no intentions of being in a relationship, because half of me still believed that Shamar would knock on the door and tell me it was all a joke. He couldn't understand and I eventually stopped seeing him. Before I lost my apartment in 2010, I met another guy, who I would affectionately call my boy toy, J.B. He was a dark, chocolate skinned brother a stripper, who also went to school and had his own place. To this day he hands down has the biggest dick I have ever seen up close and personal. During my time with J.B. I was bouncing from place to place and he was my escape. I would go to his house, and chill, drink and watch TV. He kinda opened the door to the freak side of me, cause he was able to talk me into a threesome, two girls of course. I still keep in contact with him, because he was there in a time when my life was in utter chaos and his sex game is on point lol.  And now my most current lover. G. I remember our first kiss, it was in a club, and I swear when his lips touched mines, it was like we were the only people in the room. I have never felt such a strong, instant attraction to anyone before. With G. I have completely come out of my self, I have never been more comfortable around a man. Its like he knows just the right places to touch and I cant get enough. Quite honestly with him, its not only about the sex. I love every minute spent with him. Just being next to him, quells the raging storm in my heart. When I am with him I am happy and alive. I don't know where this is going to lead....